I had a miscarriage 2 days after Mother’s Day.
At 14 weeks and 5 days, Our baby girl left us on May 11th around 4 am. Just moments before, I could still feel her gentle flutters inside me. No one warned me on how traumatic this could be. I awakened to the feeling of wetness, running to the bathroom to turn on the light just to find myself hemorrhaging puddles of blood and clotting that would not stop. I started screaming , pleading with God to please save my baby yet let thy will still be done. I was rushed to the hospital so I wouldn’t bleed to death. The waves of wailing cries to silent numbness overtook me as I laid in that hospital bed. The ultrasound showed no signs of her presence. The doctor confirmed that I had a complete miscarriage as my uterus naturally rejected my first born. I thought I did everything right to make sure my baby was healthy, nourished and protected.
After leaving the hospital, with the newfound devastation and flashbacks of me quivering in the bathtub of my own blood, my heart ached with pain but my spirit was gaining peace and acceptance. I was still alive, still having grace placed on my life to see a new day. I was able to have my husband and mother by my side the entire time, comforting me through this tragedy. The anointing fell upon me and I praised God, thanking him and letting him know he is still worthy, that I still love him and I am grateful.
My babygirl left an impactful impression on our lives within the short lived time she was here.
Zy Zy taught me a kind of love that is unconditional and selfless without even meeting her yet. Her leaving us, strengthened my faith. I know she is my angel , my motivation, and a reminder of not taking anything for granted. I still cry while waking up, realizing my baby isn’t there in my womb nestled so close to me. I still cry catching myself still rubbing my belly , reflecting on the days of me slowly finding the connection and excitement of her growing inside me. I still cry in the shower that leaves a daunting memory of this life changing experience. I still cry because I wanted to see what she looked like , knowing she would be so beautiful and precious that could move on anyone’s heart.
To my babygirl Zyra Rose Mathews 🌹 thank you for choosing me to be your mother. Your name represents “The Promised One”. A visitor who comes to change people’s lives, bringing them joy, love, wisdom and protection. I chose this name well before I knew you would be going back to heaven yet look how powerful your name still stands. You have changed mommy and daddy for the better and have brought us even closer so I thank you for that. I love you so much and will cherish you forever.